Why another BPD blog?

I thought I would start with the question most are probably asking. Why another blog about BPD?

For me at least the reason why I started this blog was finding out I have BPD. I wanted to at least try to contribute something to aid the cause, but also at the same time hopefully this project will also aid my own recovery from the demon that until recently remained nameless, but taunted, mocked and petrified me out of my wits for years.

I'm guessing most of you already know what BPD is, but for those who don't, the diagnostic criteria is below -

DSM-IV-TR criteria

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

Of course for me, not being a psychiatrist or psychologist those terms don't exactly mean that much. Besides of course being rather perplexed by seeing myself described in a medical journal, I couldn't help but think, well what now? Some words on a piece of paper may tell me what my demon is but there doesn't appear to be any form of coded map written within to tell me how to fight said demon.

Hence one of the reasons for this blog, considering BPD is known for being two decades behind most other mental health disorders in terms of research, treatment or awareness.

Since finding out the face of my subconscious stalker I have also discovered that the stigma towards BPD suffers is not just horrific but completely uncalled for. Since when was it ever right to blame the victim of a condition as opposed to the cause? In BPD that seems to be the case, the suffer is told they are "attention-seeking", "difficult", "untreatable", "unreasonable", "melodramatic", "resource draining" the list is endless when it comes to negative statements attached to suffers.

All of these harsh labels that are thrown at suffers, pierce like knives and instead of people embracing and helping BP's they are met with yet another traumatic realization. They aren't just fighting against the demon in their head but everyone outside of their body as well, who refuse to listen to their screams and cries and offer compassion and understanding.

Since realising I have this condition, I have met with several brick walls

• Unlike other mental health problems BPD doesn't exactly have a course of treatment that has been perfected yet, everything appears to be in experimental stage, hence why the disorder is viewed as difficult to treat.
  
• The waiting lists for Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) are huge and support whilst waiting for a "talking treatment" seems to be very limited, especially if you aren't a hospitalised BP.
• The drugs don't always work! Or at least in my case the drugs make me worse. I have also since learnt that medication for BPD is viewed as a second port of call as opposed to a first, which isn't what I have received and I somehow expect others have experienced the same.
• Although very recently NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) have issued new guidelines in treating BPD and highlighting the non exclusion of BPD sufferers from medical care and resources, we are still being treated as second class citizens in many area's.
• The complete lack of education and awareness of this disorder amongst the general public, or worse still it's viewed as the disorder "emo" kids play on having to show how emotionally sensitive they are.

What have I learnt since meeting other suffers with BPD

• They are some of the most empathetic, sensitive and intelligent people I have ever met.
• Most are extremely creative and expressive whether via art, poetry or prose.
• The BPD community supports each other.
• Most have had very traumatic childhoods i.e. abuse and neglect.
  
• A lot if helped could be extremely productive members of society.
  

Do those descriptions sound like the type of people the world should give up on? No, at least not in my eyes. Instead of viewing the BPD sufferer as untreatable the world should learn to embrace and help suffers, after all we can give a lot back to the world. If only the world aided us in making life that little bit less stressful and instead of condemning our actions, saw the frightened child inside who has been crying out to be understood and held for far too many years.

“I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.” - Socrates